Who Am I?

No matter what "road" you may have taken to arrive here, I am pleased to meet you. Please allow me to introduce you to my work and myself... 
My name is Reva Rose-Wood. I am the Founder and Lead Instructor of Girl(em)Power! Self Defense. I earned my Self Defense Instructor's Certification from Defend University  in 2008. I started my business, Girl(em)Power! Self Defense that same year. I am a member of the National Women's Martial Arts Federation and have trained with martial artist from across the globe at NWMAF Camps at Oberlin College in Ohio and at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania. 
I specialize in teaching physical self defense tactics to women and girls (ages 12 and up). I have also taught self defense and violence prevention to various at-risk groups and extensively within the LGBT community. Some of the groups I have partnered with include: the Boys & Girls Club, Valley1N10, the Youth Empowerment Project, BBYO Jewish Youth, and Women Beyond Borders. I have been hosted by numerous private groups and individuals through the program I created called "Forget the Tupperware, Host a Self Defense Party!"
It is my goal to make self defense instruction as accessible as CPR. One of the main things that turned me off concerning standard martial arts based self defense was the intimidation factor of having to set foot in a dojo and the time commitment it would take to master most martial art forms. 
I am not a formal martial artist, I don't even pretend to be. With 1 in 5 women facing sexual assault within their lifetime, I believe all women should possess the knowledge to successfully defend themselves should the event of an attack arise. I believe women should also be able to gain this knowledge in an empowering manner, in a comfortable, non-threatening setting. 
Being a survivor of violence myself, I understand the need to empower those that have already been hurt. I do so with a delicate balance of realism,compassion, and techniques I've created to address the specific concerns of those that have previously faced violence. One of the most challenging and rewarding experiences I've had as an instructor, has been teaching self defense to survivors on the Kayenta Navajo Reservation in Arizona.      
I believe in a multi-faceted approach to self defense. There is never a "one size fits all" solution . Interpersonal violence has many facets, therefore the solution and response must be equally as dynamic.

"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."-Albert Einstein

Self defense is one of my life's passions. It is a driving force. The ability to help and heal people through my self defense work has sustained me through many challenges and fuels me toward greater victories. Please feel free to peruse this site for further information on my work or just drop me a line with any questions at girlpowerselfdefense@gmail.com
I'd love to help you on your own path toward empowerment!

...As for the other parts of my life, my busiest and most devoted role is being a "mom" to a preschooler. I am also married to a man that I love. I am an entrepreneur at heart and have run several small business ventures, always looking for the next opportunity to be innovative. I LOVE baking (and eating!) sweet treats and creating in all ways. I enjoy supporting local coffee shops but also consider myself an "espresso connoisseur" and own two espresso machines myself.  I am a definite foodie. I am a musician, who formerly did vocals with three musical acts in my hometown of Phoenix, AZ. Currently I am working on a solo project involving my other love, the accordion. I have a passion for fashion,makeup and hair, and love retro stars of the 20's-60's. I love to collect, sell and photograph vintage clothing. Almost anything "with age" appeals to me. I care about historic preservation and community building. I enjoy fixing up mid-century furniture and LOVE old cars. Joy to me is traveling with my family and playing with our two dogs and four cats :)            
  

STOP THE BIKE-BY GROPER!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Eight women have reported being groped by a man on a bicycle near Arizona State University's main campus since March. Eight? This is obviously not a series of isolated incidents.
When I first heard the reports of the serial predator last week, it was being stated that law enforcement feared he would escalate in the nature of his crimes to commit more "violent offenses".
Perhaps some knowledge was gleaned from the Baseline Killer crime-spree that lesson being...SEXUAL PREDATORS ESCALATE IN THEIR OFFENSES. Bingo. Criminology 101.
After all, the bike-by groper has seemingly gotten away with victimizing eight women thus far what's to stop him from doing whatever he pleases?
It is a shame and a disservice to victims that groping is trivialized. If you have ever been violated by a strangers touch, rub, grasp or slap then you would recognize the terror and complete helplessness that you experience. The trivialization of groping occurs similarly with regards to public sexual harassment or "street harassment". If you have ever been confronted with unwanted sexual advances in public and then been called a "bitch", "slut","dyke" had objects thrown at you etc...for not succumbing to these advances you would know how painful and terrorizing this can be. Even worse, imagine experiencing this while you are with your children, as I have, and you would quickly recognize the need to put an end to this form of harassment. I am inspired by the grassroots activism of groups like HollabackNYC, Stop Street Harassment, and HollabackDC who define these behaviors as: a blatant demonstration of a power dynamic that reminds women and subordinated groups of our vulnerability to experience assault in public spaces.
We are taught to stay quiet and tolerate these behaviors as part of our very existence.
When public sexual harassment is reported, which may include verbal threats, heckling, insults, indecent exposure and other public humiliations we are sent the message "Well as long as there was no physical threat or assault...nothing really happened."
When groping is reported we are sent the message "Well as long as no rape or forcible penetration occurred...it's not a big deal" case in point one reader's comment from today's report on the serial groper:

"Dude's copping a feel. This sounds like college students being college students. Probably happens several times a day every single day on every campus in America."                 

Lastly, when rape is reported we are sent the message "Well...just be glad you survived and weren't killed". The thought that this message is commonly being sent to survivor's is not far fetched. Best-selling author Alice Sebold writer of The Lovely Bones courageously documents this in her memoir "Lucky". As an 18 year old college freshman at Syracuse University, Sebold was brutally raped. When she reported her assault to police they told her that she was "lucky" the last girl that had been raped at that location was killed and dismembered.
Lucky???  Read this excerpt of her ordeal and decide for yourself.
Many times survivors are re-victimized by these types of responses and we wonder why 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to police.
Due to the brazen nature of the bike-by groper's assaults, (it has been reported that he rides past victims a second time, assaulting them again, while they are still frozen in shock from the first encounter.) I would not be surprised if there are more victims out there that have not been ready to come forward.
If this has happened to you, I urge you to report the assault. Eight brave women have come forward thus far and when the time comes for this scum to answer for his crimes, you deserve to be counted too.
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THESE CRIMES PLEASE CONTACT ASU POLICE AT  480-965-3456
For more information on reporting sexual assault please visit RAINN.
College age women are 4 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than any other age group. I don't come from the school of thought that dictates that our experiences should be marred by fear and that fear should be the sole motivator provoking us to take action. As cliche as it may seem, I do believe that knowledge is power and that taking back power from perpetrators through the immediate means of self defense is  empowering in many ways.
IF YOU ARE A STUDENT AT ASU AND WOULD LIKE TO HOST A WOMEN'S SELF DEFENSE WORKSHOP FOR FREE PLEASE CONTACT REVA AT: girlpowerselfdefense@gmail.com 

To the coward biking around trying to make a name for himself, I give you this: YOU WILL BE CAUGHT BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO TAKE YOUR PATHETIC GROPINGS TO THE NEXT LEVEL. If we ever meet while I am out and about around ASU, I'd love to show you some of the moves I've been perfecting, to put creeps like you, back in THEIR place. 
...I'm in need of a new bike :)

FORGET THE TUPPERWARE! HOST A SELF DEFENSE PARTY!

FORGET THE TUPPERWARE!

HOST A SELF DEFENSE PARTY!

HOW?

1. Invite your friends, family, colleagues etc...

to a location of your choice: home, church, business etc....

2. Girl(em)Power! Self Defense comes to that location and provides the two-hour Women's Self Defense Workshop in a fun, informative, empowering and comfortable atmosphere! Providing hands-on instruction tailored to the needs and concerns of your group with take home instruction workbooks for each participant.

3. As host, your class is completely FREE!

Each participant receives the two-hour Women's self defense workshop at a discounted rate of $25 per person and unlimited refresher courses for a donation of any amount!

In addition to being

flexible,

unbreakable,

air-tight

compact

 and

child-safe...

Here is what you'll learn:

1. HOW TO PHYSICALLY DEFEND YOURSELF FROM AN ATTACK NO MATTER YOUR SIZE OR STRENGTH.
 2. The most common myths surrounding violence and the truths that accompany them, as well as info on how crimes are committed and how to fight back with instruction based on U.S Department of Justice statistics. 

3. How to build a safety plan, tailored to meet your individual needs.

4. Ground fighting!

How to fight from what has commonly been called the "worst possible" position.

5. How to escape from front and rear choke holds.

6. HOW TO Block HITS. 

7. HOW TO Strike...POWERFULLY!

8. Techniques and real life scenarios that are commonly avoided by male self defense instructor's, in martial arts settings, in the interest of remaining "modest".

...and much more!

Please email to book your class or for more information!

girlpowerselfdefense@gmail.com

Thanks!

Reva

GIRL(em)POWER!
Self Defense

(NOTE: Classes are currently offered for individuals in Phoenix and surrounding areas only, please visit my esteemed colleagues in the "resources" section to the right of this post for info on additional self-defense classes near you.)

 

Breaking Free: My personal experiences with violence and why I teach self defense to survive

I included the above song, because the title was initially what I wanted to call this post "clean getaway". Almost every time I teach a self defense class I am asked the same question (phrased several different ways) by at least one participant: "Have you ever been attacked?", "Have you ever fought back?", "Have you ever been raped?" and "What are your experiences?" I always try my best to acknowledge the depth of the question and the longing for either reassurance or empathy from the asker. Most of the time, I am not the only person there who is a survivor, sometimes everyone in the room is. 
My energy is spent less on learning how to address the subject from a personal stand point and more on making sure I don't let the discussion take over the entire duration of the class. In truth, I have had too MANY first hand experiences with violence to recount, so I have decided that a simple "Yes, I am a survivor" will suffice, in the interest of saving everyone's time and sanity :)
To start at the beginning and end at why I teach self defense, I'll have to first preface this by stating that I am grateful for every opportunity I have to teach, learn and help people overcome. There is not a day that goes by that I am not fighting to maintain my own personal healing and reassure myself...that I am worthy of a life far away from the things I have experienced. So here we go. NOTE: At any point feel free to stop reading and take a nice deep cleansing breath...this is a technique I learned from another survivor ...and it works well.

My mother and I-1983

Like 3.3 million other children each year I grew up in a house where violence occurred daily. My uncle recently told me that for years he never knew what my voice sounded like. I told him, for years...I never knew I had one. By the time I started high school, my self-esteem had been severely damaged to the point where I began to isolate myself, withdraw and focus solely on survival. One of the things that got me through that time in my life was a poster I found in a magazine featuring this picture:

It was an article about  HomeAlive a group in Seattle that was teaching self defense in response to the murder of Mia Zapata. I remember thinking every day, that someday...I would be as strong and fierce as that woman on the poster...if I could only make it through one more day... 

Learning and adjusting were both difficult tasks. At the start of my freshman year of high school, I experienced a physical assault by another student and the following year an assault by a school faculty member. Many times, I hear people talk about the "normalcy" of abuse and violence. How if someone has experienced trauma for so long, they begin to become desensitized to it and it becomes their "normal". Let me tell you...abuse and violence NEVER become normal, for any person that experiences it. Trust me. This misconception is a disservice to survivors.
Throughout my teen years, I can recall countless situations where I was abused by others and unintentionally placed myself in harms way due to not recognizing how to establish appropriate boundaries for myself. It seemed no matter how hard I tried I could not escape being physically abused by other people.

*******
When I was 19 years old, I was waiting for a bus after work at around 2 in the afternoon. My bus stop was near a busy intersection that I assumed was safe. Sitting at my stop, I was writing a letter to a friend who had recently moved to Colorado. I can't fully explain this, but it seemed as if there was a momentary lapse in time, where I lost a few seconds when, all of a sudden I felt warmth near the right side of my face. I placed my hand to my ear where I noticed blood. Not aware of what was happening I looked up to feel the second punch, feeling as if I had left my body  I couldn't comprehend why this stranger was hitting me and was dragging me behind the stop and away from the street. I began screaming. I noticed a car with two men who were watching me being dragged but did nothing. I could only think that I was going to die and that I wanted to survive. I grabbed the pen that I was using to write my letter and stabbed my attacker in the hand, allowing myself to be freed. Before I could get away however, I was drug back around the bus stop, picked up and thrown directly into the on-coming traffic lanes. Luckily, I was not hit by a car but instead was able to make it across the street into a nearby fast food restaurant. As I stumbled in, out of breath and bleeding, I gave a sigh of relief to see two police officers eating lunch. I said "help me, I've been attacked by someone across the street" to my dismay one officer replied "what do you want us to do?" I was shocked. I always believed that not only were officers trained to notice crimes in progress but they responded to them diligently. This was not the case. They begrudgingly left their meal and arrested the perpetrator who sat calmly and explained that killing me would mean "living for free in prison." The officers on the scene showed no compassion and did nothing to help or comfort me. This incident was the first time I fully recognized that I could only rely on myself and my own capabilities for self protection. Bystanders and those trained "to protect and serve" both failed me. When recounting the incident to both people that I knew and strangers alike, I seemed to elicit the same response: "Somehow, you did something to provoke this." This was a thought process that I knew well, somehow I was always to blame for the abuse that I endured. But for some reason for the first time: I began to fight it. I knew that I was not to blame for my attack and oddly enough this finally opened a door for me...Just as I was not to blame for this incident I was not to blame for any of the violence that had previously occurred in my life.  I WAS FINALLY FREE.
I experienced the first year in my twenties with few incidents of direct violence. (Note: I am not including acts of public/street harassment, workplace violence or other forms of sexual harassment, which continued to occur on a regular basis throughout this time. I will address these subjects in a later blog post.) I began volunteering and later became employed with local non-profit agencies and strived to begin a career in social work.

*******
One morning in 2001, I received a call from my mother who told me that our old family friend Robert Cromwell had been arrested for murdering a young girl. I couldn't believe it. I only recently read the account of his crime, which sickened me. You often hear people describing murderers in the media, but it is entirely different to hear of someone's brutality when you can reference the sound of their voice in your mind, the way they looked, walked and smelled. I had met him when I was around 11 years old, the same age of his victim. He worked with my father and while growing up, he was at our house on a weekly basis, having dinner and spending time with my 3 younger siblings and I. During a chance encounter Robert met his victim's mother and spent a day with her. That night, he was left alone with his victim and her two younger sisters at their residence while her mother went to retrieve a female friend. Robert raped 11 year old Stephanie Short, fractured her skull, broke her jaw and stabbed her 13 times in the back and left her to die. Upon their return, he assaulted her mother and the friend and fled. When the fragile safety net that you build in your mind in regards to who is safe, who is capable or incapable of unconscionable acts is fractured, your world is never the same.

*******
At the start of my career in social services, I began to see the impact of violence on communities through the eyes of the youth and families I worked with. I lived in an older neighborhood that was being gentrified as a local arts hub, it was close enough to be able to ride my bike to and from work. As with many social service jobs, I worked long hours so many times I would ride home alone at night. One morning I noticed police in front of my apartment, they found a woman's body in the alleyway behind my street. A few months later, they found another body and a few months after that it happened again. A local reporter called the agency I was working for and asked that the young women we served (who were living on the streets or at nearby shelters) be warned of the murders taking place. I told her it reminded me of the murders in Juarez where the authorities and the media seem to turn a blind eye to the killings of those they deem as "disposable" individuals. The media's characterization of the victims again seemed to de-humanize and blame them, forgetting that they were women with families, someone's daughter, sister, friend or mother.   
I made a safety plan to have someone wait for me or arrange a ride home on the nights I worked late...the murders continued and the bodies kept surfacing. All in the same area right around the corner from my apartment. Until spring of 2003 when police arrested Cory Morris a local DJ at a bar not far from where the murders took place. Many people knew him as a "nice guy" who frequently walked women to their cars at night after the bar closed. He was also linked to murders in Oklahoma, a state he fled when he believed authorities would link him to his crimes there.    

*******
A few years past, I was engaged to be married and was just starting a new chapter in my life...
Then the rapes and shootings started in Phoenix. The Baseline Killer was responsible for a series of sexual assaults and murders from August 2005-September 2006, which took place not only in the area where I grew up but close to where I currently reside.
I began experiencing panic attacks, every local media outlet was displaying information about the physical profile of the victims. Short, small framed women with dark hair and eyes. I fit that profile exactly and became fearful to even leave my house at night. Month after month, there was another murder or rape or robbery at a business I frequented or a neighborhood close to my home. I felt that same fear overcoming me that I had prior to breaking free from the stigma of abuse I had suffered as a girl. I didn't know what to do.
 I got married and became pregnant with my first child, I wanted so desperately to build a life free from suffering, anguish and helplessness for my child and myself. 

*******
At 3 a.m on the morning of March 22nd, 2006 I was awoken by several calls and later a knock at the door. I didn't make it to the phone or door in time and only saw car lights driving away. I picked up my phone to see calls I had missed from my youngest sister. I called her back and asked her what was wrong. Having experienced the death of my older sister, Corina, a few years earlier, I could easily reference the inflections in a family members voice when they were about to deliver terrible news. She said she needed to come back and talk to me in person. When she arrived, she told me that my younger brother did not make it home from his job at the mall the previous night and that he was found robbed and murdered. She told me that the police detectives arrived at my mother's residence to notify her and that she was hysterical. She said my dad was on his way there and they needed me. My brother was only 20 years old at the time of his death, he had also just become a father with his little boy being born just a few months prior. The days, weeks and months that ensued were all a blur. I not only lost my brother, but mourned the loss of my parents and entire family as they were prior to my brother's death. I was also struggling to protect myself and my unborn baby. (NOTE: Due to a pending court trial I cannot elaborate on further details of my brother's murder, but can state that the individuals involved are currently in custody, awaiting trial.)  

*******  
During the spring and summer of 2006 the "Baseline" attacks continued and in June a final attack occurred at a carwash near my house. I remember being appalled when at a neighborhood meeting regarding the crimes, a woman stated that if the victim had not been washing her car she would not have been killed. Since when is the act of washing your car equal to "asking" to be murdered! I found these responses to the attacks ridiculous and wondered, if in the unfortunate event I was ever a victim of the Baseline Killer...would I be blamed for my own death? The thought scared me even more. I began to sink little by little into depression and worry. Would my baby be safe?
In early September 2006, just weeks before I gave birth to my daughter...the Baseline Killer was linked by DNA evidence to the rapes of two young sisters, one who was visibly pregnant. He was apprehended and linked to most of the 13 month crime spree.
But I still felt far from safe. To make matters worse, I began suffering from post-partum depression after the birth of my daughter and getting proper treatment seemed to be another fight that I was just too tired to wage. I wanted to give up on life.
As a method to decrease some of my constant fear and panic I began researching self defense methods...which only made me more fearful. Most self defense classes I encountered, were taught by men in martial arts settings focused on what women like me did wrong. Most of these instructors were much larger and stronger than me and made it sound so simple to just practice one technique or another throw someone on their head and be done with it...I knew that I would never learn to physically protect myself with these methods. I felt defeated. Then I looked at my baby daughter. I knew she needed me and I felt that since it was my duty as a mother to protect her, I needed to fight to learn to protect myself. I decided that I needed to challenge myself as a person and re-invent my life in order to find fulfillment again. What would be one of the least expected and challenging things I could do to pull myself out of the pit of depression I was in and recreate a new legacy for my daughter? I would become a self defense instructor. I was determined to study every method of self defense possible and map out the most positive and empowering forms to share with women and girls. I wanted to reach out to my community and beyond and speak to girls who grew up feeling powerless just like I felt and tell them: You don't have to be afraid anymore...you can protect yourself.
Mostly, I wanted to live a life of gratitude, grateful that I made it this far.    
I founded GIRL(em)POWER! Self Defense in May 2008 as a way to break free from the toll that violence had taken on my life. Later that same year, I went to Seattle and met some of my hero's at HomeAlive, we posed next to the poster that helped to save my life so many years ago :)

With Becka Tilsen, Program Director, HomeAlive 

I continue to work hard to teach women and girls, that a life apart from violence is possible and that everyone can protect themselves in some way. I am far from perfect and I firmly believe that empowerment is a life long process that does not always come easy

But I try hard to make a difference and in some way I feel I have

 "finally made it...I've made a clean getaway..."

LOCK YOUR DOORS.

OK, So let me preface this with these friendly reminders:

1. LOCKING YOUR DOORS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR "PARANOID".

With a woman being sexually assaulted every two and a half minutes in our country it is not paranoia but a frightening reality we must face, head-on, everyday...

We are being preyed upon.

  I was taught by my certifying instructor, Brad Parker, that to acknowledge and prepare for an attack, is positive self protection and NOT PARANOIA. On the other hand to acknowledge and prepare for an attack by vampires is probably paranoia and maybe means you've been reading too much Twilight :) Get a grip.               

Locking the doors to your home and vehicle and NOT opening them unless it is for someone you know AND FEEL SAFE WITH is a powerful key (no pun intended) to self protection and yet this simple task is so often minimized. 

We don't accuse people of being "paranoid" when, lets say... they "look both ways before crossing the street" or "wear a seat belt" so what's the big deal with taking other precautionary measures. 

2. MY SCHOOL OF SELF DEFENSE DOES NOT BLAME THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED!

AGAIN...AND THIS IS PARAMOUNT: THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ACTS OF VIOLENCE ARE THOSE THAT COMMIT ACTS OF VIOLENCE. PERIOD.

I provide safety information for positive self protection based on knowledge of statistics and research on how crimes are most often committed. However, THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG IN SELF DEFENSE. The only person who decides what they need to do in order to keep themselves safe is the person who is being attacked. If for some reason you did not lock your doors or forgot to lock your doors and you faced/face an attack...

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU NEVER "ASKED" TO BE VICTIMIZED. 

So, let's keep the blame where it belongs here people...

ON THE PERPS!    

3. LET US NOT FORGET THAT THE MAJORITY OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS NOT COMMITTED BY STRANGERS, BUT BY PEOPLE WE KNOW.

 75% OF SEXUAL ASSAULTS AGAINST WOMEN ARE COMMIT BY SOMEONE WE MOST LIKELY KNOW AND...  

TRUST.

 The most recent, tragic, example of intimate partner violence is the murder of Yeardley Love.

 

In an affidavit obtained by police, George Huguely, the accused killer and ex-boyfriend of the victim stated that he "kicked in her bedroom door, shook her, and her head repeatedly hit the wall." 

Intimate partner violence is more pervasive in our society and must be recognized and addressed by those who witness it in it's earliest stages in order to prevent further abuses.

The key points that stood out to me when reading the sad story of Yeardley's death were these: First off, the accused "kicked in" her bedroom door, which reflects that she possibly feared him and was trying to protect herself by locking him out. Secondly, according to police he took and "disposed" of her computer, which possibly linked him to previous threats of violence. I can almost guarantee that Yeardley had confided in friends or family of her boyfriends previous violent/controlling or possessive acts prior to this incident occuring. It seems that Yeardley was trying to break away from her abuser and that can be the most dangerous time in an abused person's life, when they reclaim control and try to end the abuse. It is devastating that this was not prevented sooner.

Two weeks ago, in a town about 20 minutes west of where I live, 15 year old Iva Rae Herman was found dead, partially clothed, in a ditch. She was last seen at 3:30 in the afternoon leaving the library with her 16 year old ex-boyfriend. He is now being charged with her murder.     

For girls under 18, the statistics are much higher.

1 in 3 girls are sexually assaulted with 93% knowing their attackers.     

The myth that it is always a "scary stranger lurking in the shadows waiting to hurt us" takes the focus off of the greater threat. Lauren Taylor of Defend Yourself addressed this point eloquently in this article in the Examiner:

  “...It’s like telling ghost stories in overnight camp. They’re terrifying and not realistic...(this) help(s) take the focus off the real threat which are primarily partners, ex-partners, wanna-be partners, and people we’re close to in everyday life such as family members, neighbors, acquaintances and co-workers.” Taylor elucidates that it’s easier to be vigilant against strangers because “It’s much harder to pay attention to subtle degradation of your boyfriend’s put-downs.”

Still, 25% of rapes are committed against us by strangers and that is a threat not to be taken lightly.  

So, this brings me back to my initial point:

LOCK YOUR DOORS! 

I remember watching Bowling for Columbine, where Michael Moore makes the convincing argument that here in America, we reside under a culture of fear...but in Canada...NO ONE LOCKS THEIR DOORS...in Canada, there are fewer murders and people trust each other in a utopian like society. Luckily, the present version of my naive former self, fact-checks. Canada's crime rate is 50% higher than the US with sexual assaults more than double that of the US.  

No offense, to my Canadian reader's...violent crime is a global epidemic.

If you live in the city (and even if you don't) you probably wouldn't

dare leave your car unlocked, windows down or keys in the car. You most likely have a car alarm and would hate the headache that a stolen vehicle would bestow upon you.

But many times, we are willing to risk our own lives and the lives of our family and sacrifice the protection of our bodies and personal property by providing easy access to our personal spaces through unlocked doors and windows in our home. Many criminals are opportunist waiting for the chance to strike. In addition, many rapes are crimes of opportunity. A criminals initial intent may have been only to rob your home or steal your car, but once they have isolated you and have you under their "control" what stops them from committing other crimes?  

OUR LIVES ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN VEHICLES OR OTHER PROPERTY AND WE SHOULD PROTECT THEM AS SUCH.

You can most likely get a stolen car/property back, but your life without the scars that victimization brings...is much harder to reclaim.

SO HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO

TO PROTECT YOURSELF:

(DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING ARE SIMPLY STRATEGIES, AND THIS WRITER CAN NOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR THE USE-OR MISUSE OF SAID TECHNIQUES. MY LAWYERS WILL APPRECIATE THAT :)  

1. AT ALL TIMES WHEN YOU ENTER YOUR HOME OR CAR, LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS.

2. INSTALL A SECURITY ALARM IN YOUR HOME, IF YOU CAN, TO EASILY RECOGNIZE IF THESE ENTRIES ARE BREACHED.

3. WHEN YOU GET A KNOCK AT THE DOOR ASK "WHO'S THERE" AND DON'T OPEN IT UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY CERTAIN YOU KNOW WHO IT IS, YOU FEEL SAFE OPENING IT OR YOU CAN CALL FOR BACK UP FROM SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU NEED HELP.   

3. GET A PEEP HOLE ON YOUR DOOR TO SEE WHO IS THERE. 

I learned this one the hard way.

One night, years ago, prior to me teaching self defense, my sister was visiting my apartment. I walked her outside to her car, where we noticed leaking from beneath it. The cap for her brake fluid was missing. Weeks later, I was getting ready to go out to dinner I heard a knock at the door BUT DIDN'T HAVE A PEEPHOLE to look out, and couldn't see anyone out of my window, I asked who was at the door and a voice said "Eric", who was my neighbor. I opened the door and it was not my neighbor but a stranger I had never seen before. He was holding a small cap in his hand and asked "are you looking for this?" It was the brake fluid cap from my sister's car, he said he took it.

I slammed the door and called the police. He left before they got there and they could not locate him, luckily I never saw him again.

Just today, a young woman not far from where I live was sexually assaulted and robbed by strangers after she attempted to open her apartment door, when she heard a knock. The 3 men broke in and assaulted her and took her vehicle in broad daylight. Often times determined predators won't wait for you to "grant" them access by unlocking or leaving doors unlocked, they will break them in. If you lock your doors this will buy you time to escape or call for help if someone seeks to harm you. But if you are faced with someone forcefully entering your car or home you MUST fight to escape being isolated with them.

THE TWO BIGGEST FEARS OF A CRIMINAL:

1. GETTING CAUGHT.

2. GETTING HURT.

FOCUS ON MAKING BOTH OF THESE FEARS BECOME A REALITY FOR A CRIMINAL IF THEY BREAK INTO YOUR HOME OR CAR.

FIRST:

PREVENTION:

1. Make a safety plan.

What WOULD YOU DO if someone forces themself into your home or car?

2. Have access to your cell phone at all times, this includes keeping it charged. If you have land lines (which few people do these days) make sure they are installed in the rooms you plan to escape out of.

Place emergency numbers on a speed dial in your phones for easy access, it's amazing the things you forget when under extreme stress.

3. Do not hide but focus on escape.

The quicker you can alert others to your situation and get help the more likely you are to escape unharmed.

SECOND:

FIGHTING BACK

1. If an assailant gets ahold of you after forcefully entering your home.

FIGHT BACK WITH FORCE TO ESCAPE!

If they demand money/property/vehicles...GIVE IT TO THEM!

But, if they demand you go anywhere with them or they try to assault you DO NOT GO AND FIGHT BACK!

Make as much noise as possible, destroy everything if you have to in an effort to alert neighbors/passers by to your situation and break the isolation of being alone with them. I highly recommend taking a self defense course in preparation for ever having to face this nightmare.        

    (See my resources at the right hand of my site for more info on classes near you)

IF SOMEONE BREAKS INTO YOUR CAR

 WHILE YOU ARE IN IT:

If someone forces themself into your car, try your best to get out before going anywhere with them. 

DO NOT BE ISOLATED OR TAKEN TO ANOTHER LOCATION, EVER. IT IS BETTER TO FIGHT BACK AND BE INJURED IN A LOCATION YOU KNOW THAN IN A PLACE THAT IS UNKNOWN TO YOU.

IF YOU ARE FORCED TO DRIVE WITH AN ASSAILANT, TRY TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR VEHICLE, ALWAYS FOCUSING ON ESCAPE. TURN YOUR LIGHTS OFF OR FLASH HIGH BEAMS TO OTHER MOTORIST. SWERVE. DRIVE SLOWLY...ANYTHING.

SELF DEFENSE IS NOT HIGH KICKS SEEN IN MOVIES.

SELF DEFENSE IS SMALL SIMPLE STEPS ON A PATH TOWARD SURVIVAL.  MY GRANDMA ALWAYS TOLD ME "AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION IS WORTH A POUND OF CURE", PREPARING TODAY CAN SAVE YOUR TOMORROW.  

    

  

Come On! Does self defense really work?

HI!
Here is a question I hear ALOT while teaching self defense! I am borrowing from Erin Weed's FABULOUS blog. Erin cites a 77 page study on self protection conducted by the National Institute of Justice.
Feel free to read the 77 page pdf but here are some key points Erin pointed out:


■Potential victims who resisted their attackers, either physically and verbally, decreased the odds of being raped.



■Fighting back does not mean a woman is more likely to be injured.


■Self-defense significantly reduces the chances of being raped.


■Certain self-defense techniques reduce the risk of rape more than 80 percent compared to doing nothing.


■According to victims, the most effective ways to fight back include: attacking or struggling against their attacker, running away, and verbally warning the attacker.


■If your idea of self-defense is stalling, cooperating or screaming from pain or fear – these approaches actually increase your risk of injury. So if you’re going to protect yourself, it’s gotta be forceful and strong!
 
The myth that "fighting back doesn't work" AND "girls and women don't stand a chance against men" feeds the cycle of violence against women and girls and contributes to fear and predatory violence against females as a whole. 
 
USE YOUR VOICE... SCREAM!  RUN! KICK HARD! ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO SURVIVE AND STOP AN ATTACK, YOUR LESS LIKELY TO BE A VICTIM AND MORE LIKELY TO BE A SURVIVOR.
 
 

 

"I...wasn't raped, because I fought back.." Candice Moncayo tells her story about being attacked by Chelsea King's Murderer

Candice Moncayo was a 23 year old student who was also attacked by John Gardner. Gardner would later be accused of abducting Chelsea King from the same park and later murdering her. Candice recounts the incident and states that she feels she was not raped due to fighting back.


I think this is an important message to hear. We are bombarded by media stories daily about women and children who are victims of crime, but we rarely hear accounts from people who fought back.
Here are a few points I'd like to make not only as a survivor but as a woman who teaches self defense.

1. The most important message about violence and those who survive it is this: 

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR VIOLENCE ARE THOSE WHO PERPETRATE IT. 

The victims of crime did not deserve nor play any part in why they were attacked.

Although we teach indidviduals in self defense to be aware of their surroundings and be prepared and focused, if you are/were ever a victim of an attack IT IS NOT YOUR "fault" and you are not to blame...

THE PERPETRATOR(s) IS THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE .

2. THERE IS NO "RIGHT" OR "WRONG" IN SELF DEFENSE.

In an attack the only person who decides what they need to do in order to keep themselves safe, is the person who is being attacked.  This includes not fighting back if neccessary.

Feel free to contact me to discuss this point further.

3. Survivors are alive, victims are dead.

I prefer to use the word "survivor" for those that have not lost their lives due to violent crime.

Survivor denotes moving ahead and being capable of overcoming the circumstances, which all survivor's of sexual assault are capable of.

    

4. Advocating self defense (such as the story cited above) in the aftermath of a crime...IS NOT A CRIME!

Many people have approached me with the view that advocating self defense especially after a death or assault of an individual is somehow "survivor/victim blame", and only further affects those that did not or could not fight back. To this I would encourage you to see point 1 (above.)

and I would introduce this analogy: 

There are 43,000 fatal car crashes a year in the US...do we stop advocating the use of seat belts?

Do we make those who survived crashes due to seat belt use feel guilty because they survived?

The answer is NO. 

And we should do the same for those who fight back against sexual assault.